What else can I do when the tears have all been wasted?
And the only voice you choose to hear
Sings the songs of our hearts breaking.
Say your dreams, they all have changed.
Well, my smiles, they all have faded.
And the thoughts that used to seem so pure in my heart,
They now feel jaded.
Because I wanna feel like I did.
And I wanna feel innocence.
What else can it be except this pride I'm sick of drinking.
Storm clouds all have gone away.
Can we stop this thing from sinking?
Because I wanna feel like I did.
And I wanna feel innocence.
And I want you to know,
And to feel in your soul,
That someone has come and gone.
I'm stuck up here with You.
I never thought we'd get this high.
I used to be afraid of falling.
Now I'll spread my wings and I will fly.
I wanna feel like I did.
And I wanna feel innocence.
I wanna feel like I did.
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If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
I've been on holidays from work for the past few days. Every morning I see these two birds in my backyard.. They made their first debut on this blog way back in May. Can you believe it? They're still together! Through thick and thin, through the long arduous winter they have stuck by each other. I am so impressed with these two.. it looks like they've really got something serious going. It's amazing, they're so engrossed in their own little world that they don't even fly away when I open the screen door and approach them. It's like they're fearless in the presence of one another.
Okay, I'll admit it.. I AM a little bit jealous. Just a tiny bit...
Everything I want, it seems I can't have... not right now. Like being married, having a big family with 3 kids, going on vacations.. even just cooking dinner for more than two people. I know God is telling me to be patient and wait... because before any man it is His needs I'm learning to minister to in my singleness. I know He's what keeps me going throughout the day, that He's the lover of my soul, mind, emotions, my disposition... I guess there is still a lot for me to learn about faithfulness.
I had an epiphany this morning as I was on my way to work. I was just on the train, flipping through the Bible and I realised that as a Christian, you carry with you this sense of invincibility. That's not to say that nothing bad will ever happen to you if you believe in God. If anything, your faith in Him will be tested through times of hardship and suffering.
Take Job for example. He was a guy who had it all.. Hallelujah right? Praise the Lord when all things are good. Yet God took from him everything he had. All his wealth and belongings, even to the point where he struck down his health.
It's not easy. Sometimes it's so hard, to be hurt and to even dare to hope. The path we choose to take is narrow. But if you can praise God even through that, if your love for Him is not changeable by your circumstances, if you can hold onto His teachings, and seek His kingdom and righteousness first always, then what's the worst that can happen? God will be there with you in every little step you take.
I think the biggest fear we can have in our lives is death. But as a Christian, even in death we can find hope. God keeps His promises, this I can affirm.
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Okay so I realise I haven't blogged for over 2 months. I feel almost obligated to let you know what's been happening in my life, whoever "you" may be.
The month of June consisted of doing my final exams for last semester. I was pretty pleased with the results - 2 Distinctions and 2 Credits. I feel like my former "glory" has in some way been restored or redeemed.
Straight after my last exam I jetted off to Shanghai the very next morning. I really needed this trip to take some time out and re-evaluate what I was doing. I resigned from Temt about a week earlier. It was honestly one of the most physically demanding things I've ever had to do (for an entire 9 months! I could've given birth in that time.. although I'm sure that will be even more of a challenge when the time comes...) I travelled alone.. it's always good getting onto a plane because the amount of baggage you can take is restricted. I travelled VERY light on this trip, glad that I could leave all the excess baggage of my life here for the moment.
I sat next to a boy in Year 10 during the flight. I was reading "The Heavenly Man" while he was reading "The Da Vinci Code." Oh the irony! We ended up having some good laughs and conversations during the 10 hour flight, and I hope in some way I could have been a seed of influence to him. As I stepped off the plane, I felt like I had a mission... I knew each day would be purposeful in refining God's vision for me.
I spent a lot of time observing.. my Dad.. my family.. the "business side" of things. It seems everyone is running their own business in China. Even the poorest beggar on the street is running a business, hiring little children to earn the pity of unsuspecting people passing by. In many ways I am revolted by many aspects of the culture I come from, but it's not something I can ignore. It seems everyone wants a piece of the Chinese pie (or mooncake.. whatever) these days. The opportunities are there. They want people like me.. THERE (or so my Dad says). The generational divide has never felt so great. I felt like an alien.
About a week later, Dad and I went to Japan for 5 days. We both needed to just be away from our lives. It was strange. I felt less displaced in Japan than I did in Shanghai. We went to Disneyland in Tokyo. From there we took the shinkansen (bullet train) to Osaka so I could meet up with Daniel. It was so good that we could catch up. Daniel and my Dad ended up having this D&M conversation haha it was weird. We spent our final day at Kyoto. There were a lot of pretty mountain ranges in the backdrop of the metropolis. When I got back to China, I ended up just feeling really "lost in translation." For the first time I felt this deep sense of hurt of being so distant from my roots.
I got back to Sydney on the 15th of July.. had about a day of rest before heading off to Merroo Conference Centre for MYC. Met some great people the night before at Nate's karaoke night and we left early the next morning. Also made a lot of friends during the 5 days there. It's a shame I can't really get to know them better this semester. During the camp I felt a conviction that I must "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute" (Proverbs 31:8). I also felt an inexplicable hunger to learn from The Bible. Camp really taught me the importance of God's word and revelation through the Bible. During one morning as I was spending some quiet reflection time praying, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to read from Psalm 96. "Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise" it said. From that I managed to pen down a song in the vicinity of 20 minutes. I have NEVER been able to finish writing a song... I really believe it was the Holy Spirit guiding me. Jun and Dave helped me figure out some chords to go along with it later as we were jamming at the Prayer House. MYC in one word? AWESOME. I can't wait until the next one.
The weeks since then have been up and down. The frustration of job hunting really started to hit me by the 2nd week. I've been spending a lot of time with the G2 and LFF leaders. We actually went to Merroo Conference Centre last week to pray.. for our ministry, for each other, for our families.. everything. The Power of Prayer (P.O.P.) just proves itsself to me time and time again. I really just had to trust God had good plans for me, and that I would have to wait for those plans to be revealed to me. An extract from my journal after that trip:"I look around me and it seems that God is answering their prayers.. hearing and responding to the cries of their heart. They're shouting out to Him in loud voices, yet I can only offer a soft whisper. I don't know what to say. I'm stuck for words. I don't dare to ask for anything. I just want to disappear into the walls. God, I'm not trying to test you but if you can sense this distress in me, if you know how scared, frustrated and confused I am, why is it still so hard for me to feel you near? I know you're there, but I just long to see you. I long to feel the comfort you can give. I am waiting for you Lord. You are moving, you are moving all around me.. but I can't yet see you moving in front of me. I'm stuck in this well. It's so dark and lonely. I wish someone up there could help me out. There's so much to do once I get out. So many responsibilities I want to take and to resume, but I can't do anything right now. I want to be like Joseph.. a blessing wherever I go - wherever you may put me. I'm so tired, so broken.. yet so blessed that you would still use me." Sure enough, during that week the G2 leaders prayed that God would give me a job. I didn't ask them to, but they somehow just knew. The very next day I was contacted by 3 different job agencies in the one day wanting to schedule interviews. I got accepted by one last Friday, but I have another interview to attend tomorrow. "Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes..." I dropped into uni a few times to sort out a few administrative matters. There are some things I do miss about it, but I know it's not my place for now. I need more time. I've realised there isn't that much of a need to finish your degree as quickly as you can so you can move on with your life. This period of time should be cherished. It really is one of the happiest periods of time you'll ever have in your life. There is so much freedom for you to do anything you want. The world is your oyster. Take control and decide what you WANT to do, not what you HAVE to do. And in that, strive to fulfill God's will for you always. "You Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You." Isaiah 26:3
10 random things about me (first things that come into
- i can think of a song to go with any situation
- i’m really goofy
- i can’t sleep early
- i’m allergic to apples
- i’m great at starting things but not at finishing them
- i’d rather be hot than freezing cold
- i prefer one on one social interaction than to be in larger groups
- i want to own a Ferrari
- i avoid conflict
- i love concerts and live events
9 ways to win my heart
- Love God
- Smiles
- Hugs
- Is funny, or thinks I’m funny.. lots of laughs
- Passionate about something – e.g. musical, artistic or creative
- Has a big heart
- Trustworthy
- Chivalry
- Is good with animals or children
8 things i want to do
- Write a book
- Be a one man band
- Visit all the continents
- Watch the sun rise on a beach
- Read 100 books by the end of this year -That includes the whole bible (hmm.. maybe not by the end of THIS year lol)
- Learn to drive (properly)
- Get married and have 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl in that order
- Be a really good mum
7 things that annoy me
- me
- random people with dirty intentions
- the concept of “time”
- trance music
- not having freedom
- chocolates causing break outs
- vanity
6 things I believe
- God is great
- Everyone has an amazing story to tell
- Parenting is the most challenging/rewarding/underrated occupation in the world
- All cockroaches must die
- There is too much ignorance in this world
- Beauty is only skin deep, true beauty lies within
5 things im afraid of
- cockroaches
- needles
- heights
- sports
- apples
4 of my favourite things
- Being snug in bed during a thunderstorm
- Food
- Music
- Dogs
3 things i do every day
- Pray
- Read a bible verse
- Write
2 things i want to do right now
- Study
- Play guitar
1 person i want to see right now
- Hmm… Jesus =)
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.
Currently working on a Management Report on factors which have affected thinking and practice in the music industry. It's such an interesting topic for me and I could spend forever researching it but it's due on Wednesday.. It's really got me thinking though about the quality of music these days and whether the demise of the art of music is actually fuelled or instigated by the consumers themselves as their morals and values take a downward spiral.
I think it's a case of art imitating life. In an industry struggling to keep its head above water via traditional means, tradition has been forced out of the window. So what else can artists do except to "give them what they want" - supposedly...
My point being, no one makes great power ballads anymore, in an age where the notions of romance and fairytale endings fail to hold any relevance with our generation. A lot of artists who started out in the late 90s and early 2000's have felt the need to conform themselves to a mainstream genre now defined by beats and more beats. I'm talking Christina Aguilera with her fake tan, Nelly Furtado and the likes. Gone are the days of acoustic glory, lyrical content, and frankly.. great SONGS. I used to like R'n'B, but it's lost much of its innocence since being replaced by what is now known as "Urban" - not clean enough for Pop, not poetic enough to be Hip Hop, and certainly not Blues enough to be R'n'B.
I can't decide whether I like you or I hate you.
Why do birds suddenly appear?
I spent a good half an hour today watching two birds in my backyard. It was really beautiful, observing their courtship, watching one take care of the other.
I was half expecting them to start mating, but they didn't. They simply sat side by side, comforted in the presence of one another. It really pleased me and made me smile.
Their human-likeness was just so extraordinary. What's even more amazing is the fact that they were perfectly aware of my presence, yet they weren't intimidated, nor ashamed. Their love for one another was pure and undisguised. Even the outline of their puffed out bodies resembled the form of a heart; two halves making a perfect pair, whole and complete.
I wonder if it makes God smile when we fall in love, when we find our other half. When we fit so perfectly into that heart shaped mould drawn into our destinies before we were even created.
The funny thing is that we humans act more savage and animal-like than these birds at times. We do it when we submit to our lustful desires, when our relationships are just about sex and attraction, and when there is nothing more.
Know that in every action we take, God is watching... His eye is on even the smallest sparrow.
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